Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I am not superwoman

According to my family and those who know me I am superwoman. I have always been able to keep going, to get things done even when everyone around me was withering from exhaustion. I am trying to get my family to realize and understand that I am not that person anymore, that my body is now being ravaged by a disease that slowly takes away my physical strength, mind and spirit. The disease is Rheumatoid Arthritis. For years I have struggled with undiagnosed pain and fatigue and now it has a name. I am fighting it with all I can, my strength, my spirit, my heart and my mind. The pain sometime is so unbearable, my body just wants to rest in a hot tub and try to unwind itself. But I don't do that, I keep going, keep working, keep trying to have a assemblance of normalcy. I am not the type or person to ask for help, to complain or to make my needs known. Is that bad? I expect my family to help me, to understand. How can they when they don't know what this feels like. When it hurts to walk because you have bulging discs in your lower back, your hips are inflamed and of coarse your knees and feet hurt because your RA will not settle down. Oh yeah and I am suppose to walk 3 miles to work each day and teach 3 year old's. Yes, I am complaining. I know I shouldn't but lately I feel like no one is listening.

The dictionary describes pain as:


An unpleasant sensation that can range from mild, localized discomfort to agony. Pain has both physical and emotional components. The physical part of pain results from nerve stimulation. Pain may be contained to a discrete area, as in an injury, or it can be more diffuse, as in disorders like fibromyalgia. Pain is mediated by specific nerve fibers that carry the pain impulses to the brain where their conscious appreciation may be modified by many factors.

Pain is also a term specifically used to denote a painful uterine contraction occurring in childbirth.

The word "pain" comes from the Latin "poena" meaning a fine, a penalty.

Contrary to popular belief my RA pain does not go away with Ibuprofen, Methotrexate injections or muscle relaxants. It does not ever go away it simply migrates to another joint and continues on it's coarse.


  1. you ARE superwoman.
    Just not in the context you think we are talking about.
    Your presence is all we really need to keep going :)
    Its almost as if God build in a spirit in you that makes everyone feel better.
    I love you Mom. It hurts to know that you are going through something like this.

  2. I thought I was reading something I had written and forgotten about, or perhaps you were reading my heart. Thank you for your honesty. Speaking of your pain is not is a truth that many don't understand or don't want to try to. We are not weak...we are all super in our own rights. I feel this was handed to me because I am stronger than most others that may have been considered for it. Thank you again...

  3. A friend yesterday said I was a "tough cookie" because I put up with so much pain and keep going on. I do it because I have no choice, sometimes circumstances force you to be tougher than you thought you'd ever need to be.

  4. I was nodding in agreement while reading "for years I have struggled with undiagnosed pain and fatigue and now it has a name."
    Living day in and day out with what we have is not for the weak, it is very tough but we have no choice. I feel like if I give in to the pain, RA has won.

  5. Thank you friends and fellow pain patients, this disease is not fun for anyone. I wish I could be like the Enbrel commercials, after 4 weeks with no pain. Yah right.