Saturday, November 10, 2012

sinking under

It is as if the weight of everything is piling up on top of me, the weight of all of it pulling me down to the bottom.  I struggle to push my way to the surface for air but when I do more weight is added to me and I sink further below. I try to remember the good things, the people and ideas of this world that I find pleasure in, I love yet it does not free me of the burdens of each relationship. I feel pulled in many different directions. My list gets even longer, more things are added daily. I cannot keep up with everything that needs to get done or should be getting done. I sink deeper, deeper and there is no light where I am going. “It will work out,” people say, I know better than to trust that logic because nothing ever works out. Things don’t get better, they just get different. Things just seem to get worse or at least to become more complicated. My body fails me; it is unable to keep up with everything going on around me. There was a time when there was a purpose, a plan, a life raft, and a destination. There was a time when the present did not overtake my joy and yet here I am today and I find no joy; there is no plan, no destination and I am drowning.